Fashionista puts on her cowboy hat
Jessica Komoroski, Editor-in-Chief
Issue date: 12/4/09 Section: Opinion
I have come to find that my travels to new places brings without a doubt a repertoire of new fashion faux pas that I never dreamt imaginable in the small state of Rhode Island. Just recently I was lucky enough to travel down to the heart of Texas to Austin, the state's capital city. The rumor that 'everything is bigger in Texas' is still up for debate, but a few things are certain: bigger city, bigger state, bigger fashion crimes.
Now, I must say that I was excited about the experience of seeing everyone walking the city in cowboy hats and boots. To my dismay, this was not typically the norm. We were able to see a few true Texans adorning these traditional cowboy pieces and it would be wrong of me to say these were tacky. What was tacky, you ask?
The first problem I found with our dear Texans was their ability to choose outwear similar to the skins of many different animals, both real and fictional. I recall one jacket that took "powder puff girls" to a whole new level. The woman clearly raided a bunny farm, stole all their cotton tails, and pinned them onto a trench coat. The calf-length atrocity really portrayed the look of human dust-buster, giving the Swiffer a real run for its money. Perhaps worse than this dustbunny woman was the fashion criminal who was so bold as to steal Barney's motorcycle jacket. Yes, Barney: the fun-loving purple dinosaur. I never thought I would see a purple pleather jacket, tapered at the waste with shiney silver buttons but good old Texas proved me wrong. Was this just a painting project gone wrong? We can only hope.
It also became clear that some Austinites never threw away their bedazzlers. One pair of bell bottom jeans I encountered was having an identity crisis-hang 'em up on the ceiling and viola! This leg wear could instantly transform into a disco ball. Christmas lights couldn't hold a candle to the twinkle that came with this woman's every step.
Perhaps all the dazzle scared away the professionals at Victoria's Secret because I have never seen so much boob-overflow as I did in the lone star state. We wouldn't put Peter Griffin in leather pants, so ladies please don't try to fit your double d's in little b's! It is unsightly when your lady humps overflow like an overcooked soufflé. One lass had her girls squeezed so tightly into a tube top that her ta-tas instantly transformed into a mantle.
Surely, I must say, that the people in Austin had a unique style and embraced individuality. As a fashion conscious individual, I found my clothing curiosity got quite a fill deep in the heart of Texas. Sadly, though, I was not without the moments of utter dismay and disapproval. Cowboys and cowgirls, put the bedazzler down, loosen your bras' kung-fu grip and for crying out loud find outerwear that is fashionable and functional!
Now, I must say that I was excited about the experience of seeing everyone walking the city in cowboy hats and boots. To my dismay, this was not typically the norm. We were able to see a few true Texans adorning these traditional cowboy pieces and it would be wrong of me to say these were tacky. What was tacky, you ask?
The first problem I found with our dear Texans was their ability to choose outwear similar to the skins of many different animals, both real and fictional. I recall one jacket that took "powder puff girls" to a whole new level. The woman clearly raided a bunny farm, stole all their cotton tails, and pinned them onto a trench coat. The calf-length atrocity really portrayed the look of human dust-buster, giving the Swiffer a real run for its money. Perhaps worse than this dustbunny woman was the fashion criminal who was so bold as to steal Barney's motorcycle jacket. Yes, Barney: the fun-loving purple dinosaur. I never thought I would see a purple pleather jacket, tapered at the waste with shiney silver buttons but good old Texas proved me wrong. Was this just a painting project gone wrong? We can only hope.
It also became clear that some Austinites never threw away their bedazzlers. One pair of bell bottom jeans I encountered was having an identity crisis-hang 'em up on the ceiling and viola! This leg wear could instantly transform into a disco ball. Christmas lights couldn't hold a candle to the twinkle that came with this woman's every step.
Perhaps all the dazzle scared away the professionals at Victoria's Secret because I have never seen so much boob-overflow as I did in the lone star state. We wouldn't put Peter Griffin in leather pants, so ladies please don't try to fit your double d's in little b's! It is unsightly when your lady humps overflow like an overcooked soufflé. One lass had her girls squeezed so tightly into a tube top that her ta-tas instantly transformed into a mantle.
Surely, I must say, that the people in Austin had a unique style and embraced individuality. As a fashion conscious individual, I found my clothing curiosity got quite a fill deep in the heart of Texas. Sadly, though, I was not without the moments of utter dismay and disapproval. Cowboys and cowgirls, put the bedazzler down, loosen your bras' kung-fu grip and for crying out loud find outerwear that is fashionable and functional!
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